With Valentine’s Day coming up, your amma jee’s earnest khuwaishien about turning her into a dadi maa, and those bachiyan you stop to hoot at aren’t impressed by how much of a hero you can be. It’s clear that you don’t have a date because more women are rejecting entitled, selfish brats because do khori paisay kya kama liye, ab kehti hain they don’t want a man in their lives!
Clearly dear reader, you have tried everything to impress her but have no chick to take to Hooters while Beena is out of town. So we are ready to help because we know how hard it is to get home and no live in maid is around to make you food and treat you like chota sardar. The best place to go for advice is definitely Pakistani dramas and their never ending tips on how to create the perfect male heroes. Whenever drama creators and screenwriters have been questioned about why they chose to consult no real woman, and included domestic abuse in their dramas, their response was that this is what society has always favored!
So we have, with our superior mind and years of journalism experience, decided to write down some of the popular dramas released over the last few years, and the stellar advice they offer to men across Pakistan whose hairlines keep receding as Bisma doesn’t answer their 1999th hookup call.
1 Introduce yourselves by demanding her to call out your name repeatedly
Tricky thing but follow our steps closely because you want to ensure she likes no one else but you. You’ve met the dream girl and want her to like you back, but how do you do so? As Danish Taimoor splendidly shows us, kidnap her dad and then when she calls you in tears begging for help, demand that she repeatedly say your name. Over and over again. That will put her in a trance, she will wake up and go around thinking only of you, and you alone.
2 To develop a deeper bond between the two of you, pick someone who’s your cousin
You’re hitting 39 soon and you don’t know when will you stop being a chichora. Dramas say you should pick a girl who is naive and won’t be able to see the real douchebag that you are. That’s why you should pick your cousin. She can easily be pressurized by her parents to date you, and even marry you in the near future because otherwise their daughter’s honor might go to shambles. Ignore the cries of those rabid feminists telling you that intermarrying cousins is medically questionable, especially when it involves a child! She won’t protest regarding how much she has to clean up after you, or has to literally take care of the rest of your family as well!
3 Swoon tip: neglect all of her need’s and accuse her of being a drama queen!
Among the many things men are clueless about when it comes to dating, is not knowing how to make a woman feel special. Many men are consistently trying to figure out the ways they can remind a woman they love that they think she’s special and value her existence. So here’s a tip: gaslight her when she comes to you with a problem. Is she spiraling due to a panic attack and can’t breathe? Stand there and accuse her of faking it all and then go on your day pretending what you saw never happened. After all, for any relationship to become successful, a period of hardship and torture is quite important!
4 Refuse to- and we emphasize this so much – keep refusing to take no for an answer
Anything that a woman says after meeting you should be a hint that she wants you. If she’s complaining about having no food, it secretly means she wants to cook food for you. If she’s asking about the time, it secretly means time to go home with you. So don’t mistrust what your gut is telling you, and keep letting her know that you can hear her inner voice, which she can’t. If she tells you she doesn’t like you, refuse to let her go and keep pressurizing her to listen to her desperate inner voice wanting to be with you! Akhir kaar there is nothing wrong with you! So why would she reject you?
5 Lastly, to seal this joori into a lifetime commitment, put a gun to your head so she quickly agrees to marry you.
The day is ending, you know you just met her and don’t know anything except for her phone number and where she goes to study. But you think you have found the perfect live-in nanny that can cook you and keep up with your mummy’s constant nagging so it’s only right that you drop a proposal now! She’ll say no at first because obviously, she doesn’t know that she wants to marry you as well. So to make it quick, and actually get her to marry you- hold a gun to your head, and start screaming that you’ll shoot yourself if she doesn’t say yes. Start counting down from ten, and she’ll definitely say she want’s to marry you. It’s a win-win!
The post Want to woo a woman? Here is some advice from male leads of Pakistani dramas! appeared first on The Current.
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